I keep having these dreams.

(it seems when i get bored with my life, or when i dont get what i want, my wonderful subconscious works hard to deliver delicious lucid dreams in which i get to experience my desires in any form. lucky me.)

In which i experience the same person over and over. Each time is perfect and i wake up feeling as though ive had a spiritual epiphany. its intense. usually it takes me a while to recover emotionally as my emotions are almost always fried. he leaves me with this feeling inside, which unfortunately fades as i become more and more conscious, but im convinced its what it feels like for me to be in love. its so weird and ridiculous to experience this without a real person, its like im cheating, but i dont care, its real enough in the dreams and thats all that matters at the time. its not just the physical chemistry that drives me crazy, its the safety and security i feel as well with him. i am lifted to a higher, clearer sense of awareness and after each experience, i am left knowing what im truely looking for in a partner. its not going to be easy to find someone like this, but i know unless i get everything that i want, i wont be happy. ive also realized how complex and detailed my fantasies are. i have way too much time on my hands.

so heres to unreasonably high standards.